Thursday, July 23, 2009

Keywords, Action Wipes & Bikejuju

OK, so the purpose of this post started out simply - to win the free Action Wipes in the Bikejuju contest. Having just linked back to Bikejuju I could stop right there and qualify per the rules of the contest, but who would link back to Bikejuju for only selfish reasons? Why would someone so carelessly break with the long-standing Blogger's Code?

That would be wrong.

So let me say this. I am already an Action Wipes user! Love them - a great product to address the aromatic embarrassment when you say, "Hey! I rode my bike into work today!" And your co-worker says dryly, "I know..." I have two packs sitting right over there on my shelf here at work - got them after Bike Skirt gave them their seal of approval. Now I don't really need any more Action Wipes right now, so if I win I am going to donate them to charity (though I need to discuss the tax implications with my CPA).

So Bikejuju, you might as well start addressing those babies to me here at Bike Date HQ, 'cause there's a stinky armpit out here in CA just waiting to be neutralized by those sweet, sweet Tea Tree oils and other magical salves and poultices.

But here's the thing - the thing that makes makes this post more than just a suck-up to Bikejuju. This contest is what is called (in common parlance) "a cry for help". We bloggers are out here posting, often several times a month, in an act of pure self-sacrifice, expecting nothing in return. Well actually there seems to be one common thing we'd like, and that is some sense of who the hell reads this stuff? This contest is that lonely blogger's cry for help - a quid pro quo: Let Bikejuju know you are out there in a verifiable way, and you can wipe away his sense of isolation and leave a mild-but-tingly eucalyptus scent!

And he is not alone in this. I am able to see how many hits I get a day (anywhere from 40 to 100 believe it or not) and other odd details about the traffic here at Bike Date. Because aside from the random commenter, I would otherwise have no idea. And I learn interesting things. Things like putting the terms "dildo" and "bike" in a post will pump up your blog's traffic.

My inclusion of those terms was innocent enough - I had no idea there actually is a "dildo bike", or how many individuals are out there telling their Google, "I would very much like to see videos of this unusual bike!" (I'm guessing about 40 to 100 a day). From my site's stats, I can see that these folks hail from many far-off places, like Kalamazoo, Michigan; Rapid City, South Dakota; Brisbane, Queensland; Manchester, Michigan; Newcastle upon Tyne, UK; Ajax, Ontario; Corvalis, Oregon and even Efshahan, Iran! The dildo bike diaspora.

From his search keywords I saw that an industrious chap in Minot, North Dakota was wondering how to make a dildo bike, while Deseranto, Canada stood out for searching ‘free bike dildo videos’ - I guess up there in the land of universal health care they think everything should be free...

Here is a graph of recent searches leading to the Bike Date site in order of volume:

So the Giant Suede is currently edging out the others, but as always the various combinations of "bike" and "dildo" are holding steady. I see that "bike with dildo" just barely beat "cute bike seat", and I hope that doesn't mean they may have been sent to the same urls - I doubt that would have ended well.

So here's the real point. Yes, you can cynically link back to Bikejuju to try to steal the Action Wipes from me (and as I said I'll donate them to charity, which I don't expect to be praised for unless you feel strongly about it). But what we really want is a sign, some small sign that you exist, that you care. (No not you , I know what you're here for...)

So if you made it this far, leave a comment. Even just one lone character from among the qwerty choices. Something. Or do I need to offer a free dildo cozy to make it worth your while?

Don't tempt me.


  1. I have no idea what your post was all about, but here's my comment!

  2. OK, so I went to bikejuju, and now I get it. Those wipes are pretty cool, I bought some after you first posted about them.

    Have you looked at Rocket Shower? It seems similar to Action Wipes, but in in a spray bottle.

    BTW, I tried out a new product for riding in heat yesterday. A piece of terrycloth that has places to hold ice cubes. It wraps loosely around the neck, and keeps the carotid arteries cool. Which keeps your head cool.

    Can you tell I have been riding a lot lately? I go back to work on Monday.

  3. thanks warren! and thanks for the cool collar tip. i'd just been dropping ice cubes in my bike shorts but found it to be an imperfect solution.

  4. I do so hope you will leave the blog accessible when the next generation of Haygoods reach the age of internet access. And yeah, try posting about "naked bike riders" some time and you'll get even more hits. Trust me.

  5. I read the whole thing, even though I don't even own a bike and I never ever have BO. :-)

  6. Your bike blog is the shnizzle, and if you guys weren't so damn cool on your bikes, I wouldn't have caved to the peer pressure and started riding my bike all over town. You've probably saved me about 40 or 50 car trips so far. Man, I must smell. I better get some of them wipes.

  7. Wow, I just found this post - thank you so much for using Action Wipes, that's awesome. And, thanks for supporting Bikejuju and other bloggers. (This reminds me, I need to update mine, it's been a while!)

  8. I've never been so interested in useless information... not the action wipes, that was very useful and I'll have to check them out, but the rest of the stuff.

    Kind of scary all the information you can get about people just through them visiting your site. If us bloggers have access to that stuff, I wonder what Google is saving for themselves.

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