Bicycle Safety Tips from King Dorko

I was discussing helmets with someone the other day - their general dorkiness and unfortunate essentialness - and recalled this excellent list of safety tips courtesy of The Onion (And by "courtesy of" I mean "completely unauthorized use of").

Once again The Onion provides a real public service:

Bicycle-Safety Tips

March 28, 2001

Warm weather is just around the corner, and soon it will be time to dust off those bicycles. Here are some tips for safe riding:

• Always use hand signals when turning at intersections. There's nothing motorists pay more attention to than hand signals from bicyclists.
• Leaving your bike out in the ice and cold all winter may cause serious damage. But it makes a nice subject for the cover illustration of a short-fiction quarterly.
• Always wear a helmet. If this makes you uncomfortable, think of the helmet as a crown and yourself as King Dorko.
• Placing your feet firmly on the pedals of the bike will help reduce the "Wheee" sound emitted from your mouth while going downhill.
• Insist on a bicycle made of solid matter. Liquid and vapor bikes are a passing fancy; argon frames are particularly shoddy.
• Taking your bike in for a professional tune-up is a great way to waste $25.
• Be sure to wear your seatbelt, even if just biking down to the corner store.
• Fat-bottomed girls may be riding today, so look out for those beauties, oh, yeah.
• Visibility is crucial when biking. Ride with a lit highway flare in each hand.
• Every three to four weeks, lightly oil the chain. Then dip it in flour and fry it for a real taste treat.
• As soon as you buy a bike, talk to your friends about how great Shimano crank sets and STX hubs are.
• Does your city have adequate bike paths? If not, consider bitching about it to your local government for the next 40 years.
• If rich, spoiled Francis Buxton steals your bike, go on a hilarious and heartwarming journey through the American Southwest to get it back.
• Bike safety can never be stressed enough. If you doubt this, try stressing it as much as you possibly can. It won't be enough–guaranteed.

There. Don't you feel safer already?

The Fisher Simple City 8M

So I've been trolling the internets, diving down endless link-holes in search of a new bike. A speedy commuter, a well-geared trailer hauler, a minimally cluttered steed. Just when you think you've suffered through every manufacturer's ill-conceived website (although there are some that are very cool) I find yet another option. But I have nominated a few rides I'm considering, and a few that are just neat. So here's one:

The Fisher Simple City 8M - $969.

This is a nice looking bike. It's got a vintage vibe without being too kitchy (well the rack is a tad kitchy...), it's ready for real-life commuting and errand-running with some nice modern touches. (I should say real-life commuting for me is usually just me and a messenger bag with my laptop. I like the practicality of panniers, but too often they are too "backpacky" for me. I'm still looking for a nice looking, removeable pannier with a shoulder strap, that when removed just looks like a nice bag. Nice in this case meaning it is more stylish than outdoorsy.)

This Fisher is my old 3-speed brought up to date. I probably want something a bit more roadie/sporty at the end of the day, but I like this bike. It has the internal 8-speed hub, which I'm considering but have never ridden. I like how the internal gears clean up the overall look by not having a rear derailleur hanging there. From what I've read it has a gear range similar to having a 12-38T cassette in the back, which is mountain bike territory (though the front chainwheel is more moderate). I like the rack aesthetic, but I bet I'd ditch that rack and go with one on the rear since I read the balance with a load in that particular front rack is pretty crappy.

This has the Shimano Nexus internal hub, but I'd probably prefer the higher-end Shimano Alfine. There is an extensive write up on the different internal hubs here, and one point it makes is comparing the steps between each gear - how some models are more evenly spaced and others can jump pretty wildly. The Shimano's were not at the top of that list. Also, I'd need to make sure that I could attach the hitch for the kid's trailer to that type of hub.

I like the straight(ish) handlebars, since for some of the riding I do (think lots of stopping and starting towing a trailer) I need easy access to the brakes. I like drop bars, but it's not practical having to reach for the brakes considering this ride's job. Having the bars even with the seat suits the way I would be riding this bike. The Simple City comes with fenders (though that front one would need a flap for full coverage) and a nice chain guard/chainwheel guard combo - nice for commuting. The frame is aluminum which I'm not sure I'll go for - I'd need to be convinced I won't miss the steel Bridgestone I'm riding now.

So the pros: Clean, classic look and design, internal hub, straight(ish) bars and nice medium riding position, fenders and chainguard, and the brakes aren't disks (which can clutter up the clean look). The price isn't crazy, but on the higher end of what I'd like to pay. Oh, and it's a very respectable date bike.

Cons: Might lose the rack (if I found it didn't work well), Nexus hub not my first choice (on paper anyway), the price is pushing it, the aluminum frame and at the end of the day I may want something sportier. I mean, I'm a 50 year-old dad with all the obligations and responsibilities, so I really enjoy the times I get to open it up and fly (even if half the time I'm towing a trailer...).

Searching for the perfect Commuter/Trailer Tow-er/Foxy Minimalist/Utilitarian Date Bike. Why so elusive?

OK so it's a bit ambitious, and maybe I'm a niche market of one, but I am nothing if not obsessive and something like a hound with a scent. I will search the internets and beyond for a solution to my various biking needs. I am on a quest.

Here is what I do with my bike:

I tow 100 pounds of kids + trailer about 5 miles a day, with one small hill. So I need a sturdy frame with a pretty decent low gear and the ability to attach a hitch to the rear quick-release skewer. Currently I get down to about a 23T in front and an 18T in the back. I get stronger all the time, but that gear makes me laugh in the general direction of the hill on our regular route. The other hills in our neighborhood still instill a bit of fear. Is there an internal hub (for a cleaner look than a triple + granny derailleur) that can give me what I need? I'm not yet sure about that. This rig is also used for grocery shopping and other cargo situations you'd think you might need a car for. So this is my Family Man ride.

I commute and generally leave the car at home when possible, on easy 4-10 mile routes depending on the destination. For this I'd probably be fine with a single-speed with a slightly forgiving gearing, and I love the clean, stripped-down look. I don't carry too much back and forth, usually just a laptop and maybe some clothes, but I'm not totally opposed to panniers or some other bike-mounted bags/racks. My messenger bag works OK, but I do like the feel of getting the junk off my back, especially as the weather warms up here in L.A. But racks and cargo space and lights and locks can quickly turn into a mishmash of utilitarian debris, loosing the simplicity I love. I also like to really fly when on these rides, so I like something on the sporty side. This is my Bread-Winner, Eco-Proselytyzer ride.

I also like just getting out with the wife, for a lazy shopping run or a Bike Date (as the blog title implies) so I like something a bit relaxed and elegant. Not a full-on Dutch bike necessarily (though I love those, too) but something with some élan, some form to go with the function. Something I can wear nice clothes on, an eye catcher as we pull up to a swanky L.A. valet. This is the Date Bike.

Writing this reminds of the scene in Woody Allen's Stardust Memories where he is in love with specific elements of two different women, so he has this fantasy of taking the best parts of one and combining them with the best parts of the other, Frankenstein style. But then once he completes the transformation, he falls in love with the one with all the bad traits!

I am also more aware of the challenge, the impossibility you might say, as I write down the contradictions. But my journey in the wilderness, my search for this Two-Wheeled Grail of Transportation goes on. So I will post some of the bikes that catch my eye, and how they attain or fall short of my ideal. I will continue my quest, because it is something bigger than me.

Oh, I forgot. It needs to be reasonably priced. I need a pile of cash left over for one of those sweet Rapha Tweed Softshell Jackets...

UPDATE: I like some of these...

First thoughts about the last mile

One of the issues in getting people to use public transportation is the "last mile" problem - how do you get people from, say, a light rail station to their office if it's not located within a few blocks. It's this conundrum that dissuades some potential users from leaving the car at home - how do they travel the last mile? This is often talked about regarding public transportation, but what about here in L.A. where cars are still so dominant?

As I ride around Santa Monica and think about bike access issues and general congestion, I was wondering if there could be a version of the "park & ride" idea we could apply here. Generally park & ride is where people in suburban areas drive a short distance to a parking area where they connect with public transportation for the longer haul to where they work. The problem in L.A. is that if you are not on the current Metro rail routes, long distance transportation sucks and takes forever.

But what if there was a good parking area say, near the 405/10 interchange, or around the VA - somewhere short of the westside commuter destinations? Commuters from the Valley could drive their car to that parking area with their bike, and then ride the easy mile or two to their office, easing congestion in the business districts (and getting in a bit of exercise, but not so much they are a sweaty lump once they get to the office). It seems far better than trying to cram more and more parking into the downtown Santa Monica/Westside business district. It requires a little in terms of infrastructure, but certainly way less than accommodating all those cars downtown.

What am I missing? Seems like a good way to go.

Bike Boulevards - I want to go to there

In thinking about ways to improve bike accessibility and safety I often find the idea of bike boulevards very appealing. As I ride around Santa Monica, the most pleasant streets to ride are, ironically, usually roads that don't have bike lanes; those side streets that are not major auto thoroughfares and as such are less traveled, generally at slower speeds. Euclid between Pico and Ocean Park is a perfect example, or 21st Street in the same area as shown in this photo. Who wouldn't want to ride there?


The problem in using these streets for bike commuting is usually the same reason cars don't use them - there are not lights to get you across major cross streets. But the bike boulevard approach makes use of these streets, sometimes including planters so that bikes can get through but cars can't, and bike-triggered lights to cross those busy streets. As with everything else there are issues, and I'm sure Big Car (you know, the volunteer car lobbyists that seem hellbent on acting all victimized whenever cyclists want some small piece of the pie) would complain, but wouldn't it be better than trying to cram bike lanes into already heavily traveled arterial routes? Just today I was riding up Ocean Park and I was thinking it's amazing that you can be in a bike lane and still get doored - that's just nuts.

I'm still thinking about the boulevard concept, but it seems like the direction bike advocacy should go when possible - make use of parallel, lightly traveled streets. And this idea needs to be forced into the heads of our reps in government. It often seems that when asked about their opinions on bike issues they just say, "More bike lanes!". We need to make sure whatever infrastructure dollars and attention we get, is actually well thought out and useful, not just a well-intentioned disappointment. Without question, people in decision-making positions should be taken out on a regular commute before deciding on anything.

And the term "bike boulevards" just sounds so classy. That's a party I want to go to.

Oh why do you displease me, Santa Monica bike lanes?

One of the main elements of our family's "bikes-as-transportation" crusade is taking the kids to school in the morning in the bike trailer. They go to two different schools, one on the north end of town and one on the south. It makes for a nice five and a half mile round trip, with one short climb on the way home. Just a block or so, but still pulling about 60 extra pounds at that point makes the heart pound a bit.

Once we get home I can shower and get back on the bike and head off to work (without pulling the extra weight), an easy two mile ride each way.

While Santa Monica has a partial grid of bike lanes (and the dubiously useful "bike routes") they are definitely a work in progress. It seems that they are chosen less for "How can we get cyclists to various important destinations safely?" than "Where do we have a little extra space?" So you end up with lanes that come and go, end short of obvious destinations (like the downtown/Promenade area), and often still leave riders choosing between chancing it with fast moving cars (or getting doored) and just retreating to the sidewalk.

This photo attempts to show how the bike lanes stop as you approach busy intersections, and then don't begin again for about 100 feet after the intersection. You can just barely see the lane restarting up in the distance. This happens every block. So as you approach and then cross the intersection there is no space for the rider anymore. You need to just force yourself in (or wait for all the traffic to pass) and the cars have to move over into the opposing left turn lane to pass. Often we just bail up onto the sidewalk and dodge pedestrians.

Maybe I shouldn't complain since our city is pretty "well endowed" by local bike-friendliness standards, but those standards are pretty low. Our bike infrastructure could be useful, well-designed and safe. It should be. I mean, there are times it just feels borderline irresponsible to have my kids in the trailer out there among the oblivious behind-the-wheel texters. There are several individuals and groups working on bike advocacy here in L.A. in general, and I'm working to find them, meet them and help them.

I guess I just have that condition familiar to those that love and appreciate bikes - the belief that they are a wonderfully healthy, efficient, fun, community enhancing machine, and dismay that others don't enthusiastically agree. Bikes are one of the easiest ways to make a real and positive change in your world. The reasons to encourage people to use bikes are seriously no-brainers. They provide benefits without downsides. Bikes directly address issues of great concern to our country, from personal to environmental health. It’s so easy a kid can do it, it just takes a break from our habit of getting in a car every time we walk out the door. So we get a bit annoyed when we hear politicians or other foot-draggers say it’s not worth it, or it can’t be done.

It is worth it, and it can be done.

I mean, how could you say no to her?

Hey look! It's Bertolt Brecht's house!

I've been working like a madam (to use a much-loved typo) so there's been no time for much of anything (except the bike commute, thank GOD), but I did want to share this great site for finding bike friendly routes (h/t to The Bike Librarian...). You can click the little arrows to maneuver along the route, and some posters add great notes of interest like, "Bertolt Brecht's old house!" or "Beggar ahead!" Good things to be on the lookout for, indeed...

Thanks all you spreaders of goodwill and goodroutes. OK, back to work, Grrr...